Never Take Him Anywhere
by Kasumi Rose
Summary: A zany and off-the-wall take on what happens if you take the Reikai Tantei to odd places. Character bashing, perverted jokes, fangirlness, and insanity all in my attempt to be funny. Crazyness, romance and bishounen guaranteed.
1. Never Take Yusuke To A Lingerie Shop

Never Take Him Anywhere

By: Kasumi Rose 

Chapter 1: Never Take Yusuke to a Lingerie Shop 

You walk down the halls of your junior high. School has just let out, so you're happy to finally be going home. Suddenly as you pass by the stairs, you hear voices from the top. 

"Yusuke you baka! You should know better," 

Curious, you climb to the top and follow the voices. They are coming from the door that leads to the roof. You push open the door lightly and peek. There is a girl wearing the normal school uniform with brown hair and big eyes, you recognize her as Keiko, yelling at a boy with dark black hair in a green jumpsuit. You recognize him at once as Yusuke, your long time crush. From the looks of it you can tell that Yusuke is annoyed and not paying attention. Giving up, Keiko turns and comes towards the door. You rush back down the stairs and go off into a side of the hallway. You try to look as if you had been there for a while. Keiko walks past with her fist balled up, looking very angry. A few minutes later Yusuke walks past. 

"Stupid Keiko! Thinks she can tell me what to do," he mumbles

He notices you and then gets a devious smile on his face. 

"Hey you wanna go to the mall with me?" he asks.

"Sure," you answer. You could never resist his smile 

***************At the mall**********

Yusuke takes you to the arcade. He challenges you to the shooting game and wins. Then you beat him in the dance game. By this time you two are having a great time. Yusuke plays a crane game and wins a little plushie that looks like him. 

"Hmm I don't like dolls so here," he says, handing it to you.

" Thanks" you reply, blushing slightly.

Then you two play at a racing game. Finally, Yusuke decides to leave so you walk out of the arcade and toward the east exit. You get to the middle of the mall where there is a huge fountain. You walk on a little more. Yusuke pulls to a short stop and puts his arms out to stop you. He is looking at a store. You follow his gaze and see Keiko in the shop. Yusuke quickly pushes you into a store. He pushes you behind a rack and then finally lets your arm go. You realize where you are and blush. 

"Yusuke did you have to push us into the Victoria's Secret," 

Yusuke looks around and giggles. 

"I get to see your panties on the first date. Isn't this a little fast?" He quips

You can't help but giggle. 

Then you notice that Yusuke is getting a nosebleed. He peeks over the rack and comes back down quickly. 

"Still there?" you ask

"Yeah," Yusuke says. 

" Will you be alright?" you ask, pointing to his nosebleed.

" Yeah I've had worse," he says nonchalantly as he wipes it on his sleeve. 

Yusuke and you walk deeper into the store to get out of site. You lead the way

"How you doing, beautiful?" Yusuke says from behind you. 

You turn around and see that Yusuke is flirting with a mannequin. 

You giggle.

" Hey got you to laugh," he jokes 

"Do girls really wear these," Yusuke asks, picking at a thong.

"Yes," you answer blushing

The little display Yusuke was picking at falls over. Showering both you and Yusuke in underwear. A customer turns and when she sees Yusuke is a guy, she slaps him. 

"Pervert," she screams 

Yusuke backs away into a customer. The person turns around and it's a guy too. 

" Kurama!" Yusuke said as he looks at the customer. The customer is holding a pink lace bra.

" Yusuke! This isn't what it looks like. I'm not buying women's underwear," Kurama says as he throws the bra up in the air. Kurama then leaves the shop in a hurry. The saleslady comes back and pushes you out of the store. You two keep backing up, and you're bowing to apologize. You back up some more and then fall into the fountain from earlier. You both get soaked. 

" Yusuke!" A voice screams out 

You wipe the water from your eyes to see Keiko scowling at you and Yusuke. 

She pulls Yusuke from the fountain and he pulls you. Then without a word she slaps you both. 

"Heh sorry about that," Yusuke says. He puts his hand behind his head 

" I'm gonna head home and change," You tell him

You head home and change into dry clothes. You then put the little plushie Yusuke gave you on your shelf. Who knew dates with Yusuke were so weird? 

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They are the property of Funimation and Yoshiro Togashi. 

Hey so this is just a ridiculous story about what happens when you take the guys of Yu Yu Hakusho to weird places. So what did you think of Yusuke's chapter? I was just being silly putting Kurama in the shop too. I'll leave it to you guys to figure out what he was doing looking at women's underwear. There'll be a chapter for each of the Reikai Tantei and even Youko Kurama gets in on the action. This is based on a game where you choose a character and then list places that would not be appropriate to take them to. I played this game at the Reikai Tantei Chat room and got inspired for this story. This story is dedicated to my friends at Reikai Tantei Board.; Littlecatdemon, Kurama's Darling, Demon Neko Chan, Evil People Rock ( Yuna) , and Celestial Sage. 

Any questions, concerns, or comments can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com.

Sayonara 


	2. Never Take Hiei To A Basketball Game

Chapter 2: Never Take Hiei to a Basketball Game 

You sit in the park admiring the sunset and then lean your head back. 

"I know you're there come out," You say to a large tree nearby

You hear grumbling. A flash of black and, then a boy with spiky, mostly black hair and ruby eyes is standing next to you. 

" Hi Hiei," you greet him 

"I underestimate your spirit awareness. It could rival that baka Kuwabara's powers," 

" Thanks .. I think," you reply 

He sits down next to you. He puts his hand on his sword, ready to draw it any moment. 

"Do you always have to be so tense, Hiei-san?" you ask 

" Yes," Hiei replies 

The two of you sit in silence as the sun sets. After a few minutes Hiei finally releases his katana. The sky turns crimson and pink giving a beautiful show before turning into night. 

"Do you trust me?" You ask Hiei 

The stars sparkle and Hiei looks at them for a minute. He then turns to you. 

"C'mon it's cold out. You should go home," He answers. Hiei then gives you a little smile. 

" Are you scared to spend time with me, Hiei? Is it too much for you?" you ask 

"Hn.You're no challenge. I could stand to be around you for days," he replies indignantly 

"Then prove it," You say. You take his arm and lead him down a few blocks to The Staples Center. 

You walk up to the ticket booth. 

" What is this place?" Hiei asks 

" A sports arena of course," you answer 

"Two tickets to the game tonight," you request 

"$50.00 miss," the clerk informs you 

You hand over the money, and hand Hiei his ticket. Then take him through security and into you seats. They're near the center and about 40 feet from the court floor. 

"We're lucky. I didn't think we'd get such good seats," 

" Hn" Hiei answers

You go out and buy some popcorn and soda from the food vendors. Then return to your seat. 

"Here," you say. You smile as you hand him a box of popcorn and a big bottle of Pepsi. 

"Ladies and Gentleman thank you for coming out tonight to support your Lakers. Now here are the stars of the night." A voice booms over the speakers. The announcer reads out the names of the players as they run out onto the field to the cheering of the crowd. The game begins and the Lakers get the ball. A player from your team dribbles the ball down the court and scores on the opposing side's net. The crowd cheers for their players. The players then get the ball and score yet another goal. You and Hiei get up and cheer. 

**********Halftime************

The score is close at 45 to 49 with the Lakers in the lead. By this time Hiei has drunk most of the Pepsi, and is acting a little strange. A pretty girl scoots by to take her seat. Hiei looks at her. 

"Is she prettier than me?" you ask out of the blue 

" Huh oh yes she is," Hiei says twiddling his thumb

You pout and turn away.

"My girl looks funny when she pouts," Hiei babbles then hiccups

'Did he just say I was his girl?' you wonder 

" Hey Miss what's your name?" you ask, turning to the girl.

" Yuna, why?" she says

"Nothing," You say turning away. 

" Ladies a gentlemen it's time for the raffle drawing. Remember the prize is a chance to come down and try to shoot a free throw for $500," the announcer calls out. The crowd waits anxiously as the announcer picks two seats from the box. 

"Will the people in seats AF234 and AF235 come down," the announcer calls. The audience turns to check their seats. 

" Oh my gosh," you scream, "It's me! Hiei, those are our seats," 

You two rush down the stairs and onto the court. Two men are at the bottom to greet you. 

"Come with me Miss, Mr.," 

As you move to follow the men, a mascot comes up and hugs Hiei. 

" Don't touch me! Only I can touch myself," 

You giggle at this 

"I didn't mean it like that," Hiei said 

Soon you two are out on the court getting ready to shoot. Nearby a few of the Lakers are watching. 

You here them snicker. 

"He's gonna try to shoot? He's half my size," one of them laughed 

" Yeah maybe we should get a stepladder for him," Another agreed 

Hiei got angry and walked over to them. 

" Size isn't everything you buffoons," He growls 

" Ooh what are you going to do, break my kneecaps?" 

Hiei raised his bandaged hand. You grab his hand before anything can happen and then take him back to the free throw line. 

" It's alright. What do they know?" you say 

"What's this free throw thing," he asks you 

" Like this," You answer 

You stand on the free throw line and everyone is watching you. You shoot and hook your hand a little just like the coach told you in PE. The ball sails through the air and swishes gracefully through the net. The crowd roars its approval. A man in a business suit hands you the $500.00. Then camera flashes blind you for a minute. Once everything dies down you turn to Hiei. 

"That's all?" he smirks," I can do that," 

Hiei takes his place on the free throw line. He throws, but the ball falls short. 

" Aww poor shorty, want to try again?" one of the players mock 

Hiei gruffly takes another ball from the cart. 

" Sir, you can only have one shot," 

" I don't care about the prize baka ningen," Hiei shouts at the announcer. Hiei's energy flares up and the announcer backs off. 

Hiei shoots again, but misses yet again. He savagely takes another ball from the court and hurls it toward the net. Hiei misses yet again. He takes another and another. Eventually it is raining balls as Hiei tries to make the shot. The other players are either passed out from getting hit in the head by the balls, or on the ground laughing like crazy. Frustrated Hiei energizes his ki until he is glowing. He fires a fireball at the basket and it falls to the ground charred. 

Then Hiei loses all semblance of control. He unwraps his bandaged hand, and you recognize what's coming. You grab a microphone from the announcer. 

" Everybody out! This place is going to blow," You command 

The heat in the room rises and everybody starts rushing out the doors. You decide to run and get out quickly. You are about to reach the door, but you trip and sprain your ankle. The building is shaking and a piece of wood comes loose. It threatens to crush you. You put your hands up to defend yourself. A wind blows past your face, and then the next thing you know you're outside being shielded by Hiei as the Staples Center explodes. 

**********Back in your room*******

You awake in your bed. You examine your body for any injuries and fine none except for your ankle. You then resolve to never take Hiei to a basketball game again and flop back onto the bed. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. 

So that was Hiei's Chapter. Since it's Hiei you have to make it destructive. Yes I meant Yuna (Evil People Rock) from The Reikai Tantei board. I apologize for the Hiei bashing. Not to mention I don't know much about basketball. Kurama's up next so fangirls get ready. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I don't know if I'll keep going once I do the four Reikai Tantei and Youko. It doesn't look like it now though. Any comments, questions, or concerns, can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com

To those who are wondering, Daughters of the Reikai Tantei is on pause until I come up with something good for Rei's chapter 


	3. Never Take Kurama To A Fox Hunt

Chapter 3: Never Take Kurama to a Fox Hunt 

The sky is bright blue, and the morning air is crisp and clean. You are out on your lawn raking up the newly fallen leaves. You finally finish and wipe the sweat off your brow. You go inside and then wash up. You put on a pretty red summer dress and go back outside. Just as you're getting out the door, your neighbor comes out. He has green eyes and crimson hair. In your opinion he's one of the best things about this neighborhood. You remember his name is Suichi, although you've heard someone call him Kurama before. 

"Suichi! Good morning," You call out 

"Good Morning," He answers back 

You run over to the rose bushes that mark the border between your property and his. 

"Would you like to go for a walk with me?" you ask him 

" That sounds fun," he answers 

So you two leave and begin your walk. You lead him into the woods near your place. It's beautiful in a rustic way and very secluded. 

" I use to be scared of the woods. My mother would tell me the story of Little Red Riding Hood when I was young, and I would always think wolves were after me in here," 

"You're not scared now," Suichi said smiling 

" Well I have you here to protect me," you answer 

Then Suichi suddenly stops at a tree. It's huge and reminds you of a California Redwood.

"I planted this one," he says. He turns to you and smiles 

"This is yours? It's huge!" you say 

" I think it could get bigger," he says 

" It's already too big for me," you say 

You try to jump up to the lowest branch. 

Suichi laughs at this and takes your hand. You cross a shallow creek. Then you come out into an open field. The grass ripples in the breeze. 

" The scenery is beautiful around here," you say 

" Yes," Suichi agrees. 

Off in the distance you hear a horn blow.

" What was that?" you wonder 

" It sounded like a hunting horn," Suichi answers 

The wind blew to the east. Then you hear the barking of dogs. 

"Do you hear dogs?" you ask 

" Yes," Suichi replies 

" Is it just me, or is it getting louder?" you ask 

" I think it's getting louder," he answers 

Suichi now seems to be incredibly tense. 

"Run!" he commands.

Immediately he grabs your hand, and you two run into the woods. You stop to catch your breath in a clearing.

"What's going on?" you ask 

" I can't explain, but by any chance would there be a fox hunt today?" Suichi asks 

" Well I think I heard on the news that the Canterbury Fox-Hunting Society was here today, why?" you answer 

"I can't explain, but I smell like a fox," 

At that moment two dogs appear at the edge of the clearing. They growl and look hungrily at Suichi. He then bolts and you follow suit. 

" This way!" Suichi commands 

You follow him and find the creek you walked past before. He jumps into the water and runs along it for while. You do the same. The water is up to your knees, and Suichi is moving as quickly as he can while trying to avoid boulders on the streambed. He is holding your hand and guiding you. Suddenly, you slip on a wet rock. You and Suichi fall down. You get up a few seconds later and you're both dripping wet. Suichi's shirt is clinging to his skin. You two rush from the creek. You run and run. 

" This way," Suichi points out 

" I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die!" you say 

" We'll be fine," Suichi ressures you. 

You run and then you see a group of girls. 

" Hello, We're being chased. Can you help us," you ask breathlessly 

" Well sure, I'm Monica. Who's chasing you?" One of the girls answers

Then she notices Suichi. 

" Kurama?" Monica says getting starry-eyed 

Suichi then looks surprised at the girls. 

"Girls, It's Kurama!" Monica calls out 

The girls begin to mob him and ask for autographs. Suichi is bewildered.

You hear the barking of dogs over the squeals of fan girls. Suichi hears this too and sprints. You follow behind. 

" You're right, We're gonna die!" Suichi says 

The fan girls are now chasing after you too. 

There's a small wooden fence and Suichi moves to jump it. The fence has barbwire on it, and then Suichi rips his pants from his knee to the ankle. After this you carefully jump over the fence. 

"Are you alright?" you ask 

His leg is bleeding from a scratch. 

"I'll be fine," he answers, "up into that tree," 

Suichi climbs into the tree from before and then reaches down to help you up. 

"Suichi, I'm sorry about all this," You say 

"There was no way you could have known," he says 

You peek through the branches, and the dogs are underneath barking up the tree. 

"Could this get anymore awkward?" you wonder

"You could ask me whether I wear boxers or briefs. That would make it more awkward," Suichi says 

You giggle at this. The hunters arrive and so do the fan girls. Out of nowhere the sound of chanting can be heard. 

" One-two-three-four don't kill foxes anymore

Six- seven-eight-nine Hunting foxes is a crime," 

A group of people carrying signs come into the clearing. They walk toward the tree. The signs have sayings on them like 'Foxes should be free' ' Foxes have rights too' 'Fur is cruel' 

You hear a gruff voice say, " What is going on?" 

" Are you the leader of the Canterbury Fox Hunting Society?" a soft feminine voice asks

" Yes I'm Blake Canterbury," You hear someone say 

" I'm, Virginia Lawson, leader of P.E.T.A; People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. We're here to serve you a with a cruelty to animals charge," She says 

"What? You can't do that," Blake replies 

" I'm afraid I just did," Virginia replied 

" What you're hunting foxes? How dare you?" Monica broke in 

" Now listen here girl, don't get involved. This is a matter for adults," Blake said 

Blake then yells out in pain. 

"She kicked me. She kicked me," He says 

A huge fight breaks out. 

"There's a road nearby, to the east. When I count to three, Jump down," Suichi orders. 

" Right!" You say.

"1...2.." 

Thud! You fall out of the tree. Suichi jumps down after you and then you carefully sneak past the fighting adults. The dogs give chase, and you run toward the road. The keys are in the ignition. Suichi starts the car, and you two are off. Examination of the car shows that it actually belonged to the Fan girls. You and Suichi drive all the way to Cancun, Mexico. You then take Tequila shots and have sex on the beach. I mean the drink! I mean the drink! Maybe someday you'll return the car. 

So that was Kurama's chapter, talk about insanity. Kurama probably didn't use his powers on the dogs because he didn't want you to find out about him being a demon. He smells like a fox because he was in Youko form a few days ago and the scent stuck. I know he's a little out of character here too, but this is a comedy. Monica is LightSeer From the Reikai Board. Warning next chapter I turn up the perverseness so get ready. I have a few more dedications; Chomp87, Lightseer, and Fara the Wolf Demon. Thanks for reading and reviewing because I'm having a blast writing this stuff. Any questions, comments, or concerns can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com


	4. Never Take Yoko To A Museum

Chapter 4: Never Take Yoko to the Museum 

You're standing in the woods. The moonlight gives everything an eerie glow. A flash of silver and Yoko Kurama is standing before you. 

"What are you doing here, my sweet?" he asks 

" I just wanted to see you," you reply

" Is that all? That's too trivial a reason to be coming into these dangerous woods," he says without interest

" I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me to the museum tonight, Kurama" you say 

Yoko Kurama folds his arms over his chest. His fox-ears flick lightly, and the moonlight glistens off his silver hair. He closes his golden eyes in thought. You watch, simply captivated by his attractive looks. 

" Alright. I was getting bored here anyways," he says 

You then lead him to your room first. 

"We're going to have to put you in some normal clothes first," you tell him, " We'll have to cover your ears too," 

You snuck some of your father's old clothes and have them folded and waiting on the bed. It's a black button up shirt and canvas colored khaki's. You hand Kurama a hair tie. 

" What will we do with your tail?" you ask 

" Fine!" Kurama glowers. He concentrates and his tail disappears. 

" Would you tie up your hair for me too?" you ask sweetly 

Kurama goes into the bathroom and changes. He comes out and you can't help but note how handsome he is in the outfit. His hair is tied into a neat ponytail. For a final touch, you add a black ski style cap to cover the ears. 

" There you look great," you say 

Kurama looks himself over in the mirror. 

" You ningens are weird," is all he says 

Now it's your turn. You go to the bathroom and change into a long black skirt and a red tank top. Then you pull your hair back and apply a little clip to it. 

You come out and Kurama looks you over. He smiles. You grab your purse just incase. You two finally get on your way to the museum. You take his hand. Then he gets a weird face 

"What is it?" you ask

"You smell like a virgin," he says 

" Would you rather I smelled like Christina Aguilera?" You reply 

" You don't have smell that experienced," Kurama says 

He then starts out of the room. 

"C'mon I don't mind. It's just been a while since I smelled a virgin," 

You follow him out the door despite the weird comment. 

***********At the Museum*********

You enter through double glass doors. The museum is lit beautifully. 

"I'm so glad that this museum is free admission," you say 

Kurama looks around. 

" What is a museum anyway?" he asks

" A museum is where they keep ancient artifacts and things," you explain 

You pull a brochure from a rack and consult the map of the museum. 

" Where do you want to go?" you ask Kurama, " There's a Greco-Roman wing, an Ancient Egyptian Wing, Ancient China and Japan Area, a wing for the Americas, Renaissance Area, and a gallery dedicated to Modern art too. There is even an exhibition on diamonds. "

" I don't know about human history. You choose," he says 

" I think the Ancient Egyptian wing would be cool," you say 

You follow the signs and head right. There are mummies, death masks and models of the pyramids. Also in the room are golden idols and ancient Egyptian coins. 

" It says here that these idols were probably buried along with that girl mummy over there for protection. They're made of pure Egyptian gold. " You read from a placard. The idol is in a glass display case. Kurama comes over and looks at the idol. He stares at it for a very long time. You shake him and he finally comes out of his daze. 

Then you move onto a display that shows an Egyptian necklace made out of gold and an assortment of Ancient Egyptian coins. 

" Kurama can you read?" you wonder absently 

"Of course," he answers

" Good then you can read the placard," You smile 

" This necklace was recovered from the pyramid of Pharaoh Yami. It is believed that a high-ranking servant wore them. These gold coins were probably only used for trade with foreign lands," he reads 

"C'mon lets go to the Greco Roman Wing," you say 

Kurama seems reluctant to leave but comes anyway. 

"Ningens just put these things on display with no security?" Kurama asks.

'"Of course not, there's probably lasers and alarms around everything," you say.

You swing a left and find your self in a room full of statues. There are statues of Athena, Aphrodite, and Apollo. There's a tour guide up ahead explaining things. You signal to Kurama and he follows you to her. 

"This carving is believed to depict a scene from the myth of how Persephone was kidnapped by Hades and how the four season's were created," She explains while gesturing to the carvings behind her. You listen intently to her, and when you turn to see if Kurama is listening he isn't there. You look around and when you turn back he's there. His hair is out of its ponytail now though. 

"Where'd you go?" you wonder

"Nowhere," he says nonchalantly 

You two then head to the next room. This room has an ancient loom, busts of Ancient Greeks, Athenian vases, and some ancient Roman silver ware. In the display with the silver ware the placard says that the dish and spoons were made of real silver. Kurama is looking fixedly at the display case. Also in the display with the loom there is a brocade of gold. 

'This is an authentic loom discovered at the ruins in Pompeii. The Historical Society wove the brocade for the display. It is made of real gold thread.' The sign reads 

"Isn't it cool?" you ask

"Yes," Kurama says. 

His attention is drawn to the gold brocade. He then goes to look at the silverware display. You two walk to the Ancient China and Japan wing. 

Here you admire a presentation of ancient Samurai Armor. There is also a display of oracle bones. When you turn to Kurama he is mysteriously gone again. You look around. He's back by your side. You feel a hand on your butt, when you look back Kurama is on the other side of the room, whistling.

"Where were you this time," you ask 

" Just wanted to ask a guide about the armor," he says. There is a gleam in his eyes. In another room you find Jade statues and amazing ink paintings. In one display though, is a sword made out of gold. Then you move on to the ancient America's exhibit where there is a gold shield from the Incan Civilizations. Kurama kept disappearing at odd intervals. Finally the last exhibit you go to see is the diamond display. It's beautiful. There are blue diamonds, big diamonds, and small diamonds. They all glitter and shine.

"It's so beautiful," you gasp

You two leave the museum. Just as you're walking out the door

"Stop Thief!" A guard yells 

Kurama breaks into a run. You can barely catch up with him. 

" Kurama, please tell me you did not rob the museum," you huff as you two run.

"Of course I did," Kurama answers

You hear police sirens behind you. You and Kurama run into a bookstore to hide. A policeman comes in. You and Kurama duck into an aisle. You grab a magazine and hide behind it. Soon the policeman leaves. You breathe a sigh of relief. 

" Alright he's gone," you say. There's no reply. You turn and see that Kurama is looking at a copy of Playboy. " Pervert!" you say, grabbing the magazine. You put it back on the shelf, grab Kurama's hand, and lead him out of the store. You start walking again, trying to blend in to the crowds on the busy sidewalk. 

" They're over there," you hear someone shout 

You turn and there are policemen moving towards you. Once again you and Kurama run like heck. You turn into a more deserted street and keep running. At this point your lungs are getting ready to burst. Finally Kurama stops. 

" Where is the stuff you stole anyway?" you ask huffing and puffing. 

Kurama then pulls a bag out of his hair. 

" How did you?" you ask wonderingly 

"I pulled the bag from a little subspace in my hair. It's a power I've always had. Robbing the museum was easy. All I had to do was short-circuit the cameras, the laser and the alarms. Then I knocked out the guards." He explains. You then hear the sound of police sirens. Kurama picks up the bag and hoists it over his shoulder. You sprint away and then turn left onto a dark road. Then you hear a growl behind you. You turn. There are three Doberman dogs, snarling and looking ready to attack. Kurama and you dart from the spot. 

"Those dogs are going to rip us to shreds," you shout 

" Don't worry I'll protect you," Kurama yells 

" Then who would protect me from you?" you ask 

" Actually my dear I was talking to the loot," he says 

You two make another left turn and then run right. The dogs are still after you. 

" Now might not be a good time to ask, but I was wondering if maybe you would do me the honor of sleeping with me?" Kurama asks you 

" If we survive this and if I don't get life in prison, then maybe," you huff 

You run down another road and turn. The dogs have finally run out of energy. You follow the road, and it leads to a dead end with a brick wall. Kurama kicks it. 

" I'm sorry, but it's rock hard and it's not coming down," he says 

" Well what do we do?" you ask 

"If we work at it we might be able to get it down," Kurama says pulling a mallet from his hair. 

"Don't you realize how long that will take," you say 

"If you push hard enough it should only take 20 minutes," he says 

Kurama then puts down the bag and starts hitting the wall with a mallet.

He keeps hitting and after a long while he gets worn out. 

" Alright you take over now. It's so dark I can't even see if I'm making any progress," he complains 

You feel around on the ground and then you feel a flashlight. You hit it and then turn it on. The flashlight still works. You shine the light on the place where Kurama was hitting and it shows a small indent. 

"All that hard work for that?" Kurama says 

He takes the mallet and starts hitting the spot again. You move the light along the wall 

" Um Kurama," you say 

" Yes," he says, a little annoyed 

" Why don't we just try the door?" You say 

Kurama looks to where you're shining the light now. There is a wooden door there. He takes the mallet and smacks through the door. He walks through the hole. Just then you hear police sirens and see flashing red and blue lights. Kurama tries to get back through the hole to get his bag, but you push him though.

" The bag," he says 

"Leave it!" you say 

There were actually woods behind the door. Kurama seems to recognize them and takes your hand. He leads you far into the woods and into a cave. In the cave there is a wooden door. Kurama knocks three times and the door opens. You see that it was an old toad like creature that answered the door.

"Juju, I need to stay for the night," Kurama says 

You and Kurama walk in. Juju seems to have made a makeshift home here. There's a fireplace, wooden furniture, and shelves. 

"You can share my bed," Juju says 

" Sorry, I'm not that desperate for sex just yet," Kurama, says coolly taking a seat on one of the wooden chairs. Juju then notices you.

" Come in," he gestures 

" Kurama, did you bring this lovely creature to be my bride?" Juju says 

"I'd rather be tied up and whipped," you say 

" I didn't know you were into S and M," Kurama said deviously 

" Whatever," you say, "Am I sleeping here tonight?" you ask stepping into the house. 

" It is late and your house is a good two miles away," Kurama says 

You pull out your cell phone and dial home. 

" Hey mom I'm staying over at Ann's tonight. So don't worry about me," you say 

"Okay sweetie," your mother replies 

" Great mom! Bye. Huh? Oh. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Okay great" 

You hang up. 

" Ann knows to play along if I ever get stuck somewhere overnight," you explain 

"Juju, do you have a place for her to sleep?" Kurama asks 

"She can crash on my couch and you can have the guest bedroom," Juju explains.

"Thank you," both you and Kurama say 

Kurama goes into a room and comes back out in his normal white tunic, and he has his tail back. Kurama goes into what you suppose to be the kitchen area. Juju follows. Curiosity gets the better of you and you follow too. Kurama is looking in what seems to be an icebox. 

" Oh Juju good you have some beer. I'm really thirsty," Kurama says 

Kurama takes out a red bottle and downs half of it in minutes. 

" Kurama, wait no that's-," Juju says 

Kurama then gets a weird look on his face. He jumps at you. You dodge. 

" What in the heck did he just drink?" you shout. 

Kurama walks toward you, trying to corner you. 

" That was an aphrodisiac called Passion Juice," Juju said 

" A substance to increase sexual desire?" 

" Yeah basically," Juju confirms

You narrowly slip from Kurama again. 

"What do we do?" you shout, making yet another narrow escape. 

"Keep him distracted," Juju says 

You dodge again 

'Easy for him to say' you think 

Then Kurama traps you against the wall. Just then Juju pulls Kurama to the floor and ties him up. Then Juju hits Kurama on the head with a mallet. Kurama is out cold.

" Now what?" you ask 

" We should probably take him to the bed and let him sleep it off," Juju suggests. You two pick up Kurama and with a lot of effort you manage to carry him to the guest room and put him on the bed. Just as you two are about to leave Kurama wakes up and starts struggling against the ropes.

"Let me go. Must find girl," he says 

Juju runs into the living room, gets the mallet, comes back, and knocks Kurama out. 

" He took a lot of that Passion Juice, so one hit won't keep him out for too long. Maybe you should stay here with him and hit him if he wakes up," Juju says handing you the mallet. He walks out the door. 

" Wait! How long will he be affected?" you ask 

" The Passion Juice should wear off by morning," Juju says 

You sit and watch Kurama sleep. He wakes.

"Big, soft round things," he says *** **bang** * **he's out cold.

An hour later he wakes up again. 

"Pretty girls," Kurama mumbles. * bang * he's knocked out again 

Two hours later he wakes again. 

" I want the cherry," he murmurs. * bang * he falls back to sleep.

Finally, you can't stand it anymore. You flop onto the bed and close your eyes. The sound of Kurama breathing softly next to you lulls you to sleep.

************The next morning******* 

"C'mon sleepy head its time to get up," Kurama says 

You yawn. 

" It's morning already? I can't tell. There are no windows in this place," you say sleepily 

"Yes, it's morning. C'mon you need to get home," Kurama says

You wake up and then go outside. Juju is at the breakfast table. 

" Have some breakfast," he entreats 

" After last night? No," Kurama says 

You two walk home through the woods. The morning air is warm today and the birds are chirping their morning song. You and Kurama finally make it back to your place. Kurama walks you up to the back door. You get a key from under the mat. 

" So, will I see you again?" you ask 

" Maybe," he says smiling 

Then you kiss him on the cheek, go inside, and lock the door. You go up to your room and go to bed. 

***********************Lunchtime*********

Your friends call you out for a lunch at McDonalds and an afternoon at the mall. You're starving so you agree. You reach for your wallet to pay and find it's empty except for few strands of silver hair. 

" Kurama!" you scream 

So that was Yoko's chapter, having fun yet? Couldn't resist throwing in the references to Yu-gi-oh and the cell phone commercials. Maybe I was a little too risqué this chapter. I know that I was definitely weird with this. It was tough trying to come up with jokes here. I'm not much of a comedian, but I'm trying. Thank you for reading anyways. Any comments, questions, or concerns, can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com

Sayonara 


	5. Never Take Kuwabara To The Zoo

Chapter 5: Never Take Kuwabara To The Zoo 

You sit on a bench in the middle of a crowded city. The people walk by, all with a place to go. The sun is shining brightly, but you feel so depressed it seems like a rain cloud is over you. 

"Hey Miss, Why are you looking so sad?" a gruff voice says 

"Oh it's nothing really," You reply 

" I, Kazuma Kuwabara, sense that something is wrong and insist on 

making you feel better. Now what's wrong?" Kuwabara asks 

You look up Kuwabara is holding a camcorder. 

" What's with the camera?" you ask 

"Well it's for a school project. It's not due for a weak though, so I still have time to cheer you up," Kuwabara explains. He kneels before you and takes your hand. " What's wrong?" he says sincerely 

"My boyfriend left me for Lara Croft," you answer

"You're kidding," Kuwabara says 

" Nope," you say 

"Lara Croft isn't real. She's just a video game character," Kuwabara said, " Beautiful girl, I promise that even if she was real I would never leave you for her," 

At this moment a leggy and buxomly brunette in hot pants and a gray shirt walks by. She looks exactly like Lara Croft. 

" Lara Croft!" Kuwabara says and runs after here. The camcorder is still recording. The crowd blocks him from view, but a few seconds later you hear a slap. Kuwabara returns to your bench with a big red mark on his face.

"Heh, sorry about that," he says sheepishly

You giggle. He's funny, and you could use some cheering up. 

"Tell you what. Since I'm feeling so generous, I'll let you take me somewhere to make it up to me," you say 

Kuwabara jumps up at this and helps you from the bench.

"Beautiful girl, where to?" Kuwabara asks you. 

" How about the zoo?" you suggest 

" Right to the zoo it is," Kuwabara says 

You and Kuwabara walk to the nearest subway station. He puts the camera away in its nice safe holding bag. You two wait on the platform for about five minutes. Meanwhile you keep each other entertained with odd stories. The subway finally arrives. The doors open with a woosh, and you two step onto the train. Luckily it's a weekend, and the subway isn't too crowded. You and Kuwabara choose two seats next to each other. After 3 stops, the train reaches the station closest to the zoo. You and Kuwabara get off and keep talking while you walk up the stairs back to street level. After a short walk you finally reach the entrance to the zoo. Kuwabara pays the entrance fee and you two are in. First you take him to see the crocodiles. The exhibit is 10 feet below street level. There is a balcony with glass and guardrails at street level so visitors can watch the crocodiles from above. The crocodiles are resting calmly and visitors are snapping pictures.

"Crickey what a beauty these are. Careful though they'll bite your head off worse than my wife when I forget the bug spray," you say in mock Australian accent 

Kuwabara takes out his video camera and films your impression. He then hands you the camera. 

"Aww these guys aren't so scary," Kuwabara says, bending closer to them. 

At that moment a young girl runs by and bumps into Kuwabara's side. 

"Ahhhh" Kuwabara screams as he falls down into the exhibit. He lands 

with a splash in the muddy water. The crocodiles sense this and start swimming toward him. Kuwabara panics and starts climbing the walls to get back up. He gets up a few feet then slips back down. This time the crocodiles are really close. Kuwabara climbs the wall as fast his legs will allow. The crocodile rears up on its hind legs and snaps. Kuwabara makes it back over the barrier and falls onto the ground.

"Kuwa Lua, are you okay?" you say

"Yeah I'll be fine," he says 

He gets up and you notice there's a hole in his pants. You turn back to the crocodile and see that he has a peace of fabric in his mouth. You cover your mouth to suppress the giggles. Not to mention you got all of it on tape. You finally manage to stop laughing. 

"Kuwabara, How about we get something to eat?" you suggest 

"Sure! Whatever you say beautiful girl," Kuwabara says 

You and Kuwabara find a little food hut within the zoo grounds. You get a hamburger, and Kuwabara gets a hot dog. You turn off the camera and eat. Soon you two have eaten your food.

"So where do you want to go now?" you ask Kuwabara 

" I think the tigers might be cool," Kuwabara says 

"Sounds great! Just let me get a coke on the run," You say 

So you order a coke from the cashier and then get on your way. Kuwabara gets the camcorder and stuffs it in its holding bag. As you walk down the path to the tiger exhibit you sip on the coke. Finally, you reach the exhibit. It's huge with green grass everywhere. The older tigers are roaming and the cubs are frolicking. Their trainer comes out. It's a young woman. 

" Hey I know her," you say. You wave. She waves back. She comes to the edge of the exhibit and opens a hidden door. She gestures you two in. You toss the coke into a trashcan and go in. 

" Hey Sakura," you say 

" It's good to see you," Sakura says 

" Thanks for letting us in," You say 

" Hey no problem," Sakura says 

"Can I hold one of the cubs," Kuwabara asks 

"You better not. They can be quite dangerous sometimes," Sakura warned, "but you can watch me feed one of them,"

" Alright!" Kuwabara cheered. 

He got out the camcorder again. 

" Think you could get this on tape?" he asks, handing you the camera

" Sure!" you say 

You follow Sakura as she heads toward one of the cubs. 

" Byakko! Come here," Sakura called to the cub 

" You named him Byakko?" Kuwabara says. He then turns pale. 

" You okay?" you ask. Kuwabara regains composure and assures you it's nothing. You turn the camera on Sakura as she feeds the little cub. Out of nowhere a young boy in black appears. He stands over Sakura and pulls a bandage that was covering up his forehead. With the bandage removed you can see he actually has a third eye. The third eye glows. Sakura gets a blank look on her face and then walks stiffly to an adult tiger. 

"Sic him," She commands the tiger. Sakura is pointing to Kuwabara. 

The tiger roars and bounds toward Kuwabara. Kuwabara runs screaming like a madman. The tiger chases him around the exhibit a few times. You chase too, trying vainly to catch up to the tiger. Meanwhile you are getting it all on film. The tiger pins Kuwabara to the ground and scratches up his shirt. Finally, Sakura loses the blank look on her face. 

"Tony! Heal," Sakura says, "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into Tony,"

"Oh don't worry about it," you say 

Sakura pulls Tony off of Kuwabara. Kuwabara weakly gets to his feet and you two walk out of the tiger exhibit. You look around there is no sign of the boy in black.

" You okay?" you ask 

" Yeah I'll be fine. The mighty Kazuma Kuwabara will not be beaten by a few scratches," Kuwabara says, striking a dramatic pose. 

" Maybe we should go to petting zoo area where they keep the harmless animals," you suggest 

"Yeah," Kuwabara agrees 

So you two walk off to the left. Kuwabara takes the camera back and stuffs it back in his bag. Soon you two arrive at the petting zoo area. It is in a barn. You go inside and there are baby goats, baby pigs, and chickadees. There are also many other cute baby animals. You are drawn to the baby bunnies. Kuwabara comes over to look at them too. 

"Aren't they just adorable?" you ask 

"Yeah," Kuwabara says 

You snuggle one the bunnies. Kuwabara pulls out his camera and starts recording this. 

" Hey you pick up one. I'll hold the camera," You suggest 

Kuwabara hands you the camera. He picks up one of the baby bunnies. The bunny jumps from his hand and onto his head. The bunny starts nibbling on his hair. Kuwabara falls down. The other bunnies jump from their box and onto Kuwabara's hair too. 

"Why is this happening?" Kuwabara shouts from under the bunnies

"Maybe it's your carrot hair," you say 

Kuwabara then shouts, "Spirit Sword," An orange blade of light appears in his hands. At this the bunnies jump off of him. 

"What was that?" you ask amazed 

" It's my spirit sword," Kuwabara explains, " it's tough to explain, but I form it with my own energy," 

"Cool," you say 

The blade disappears. You and Kuwabara get out of the barn and walk toward the exit. You get out and start walking down the street.

" Could you show it to me again?" you ask

" Kay, Spirit Sword," Kuwabara says 

The glowing blade reappears in Kuwabara's hands. At this moment you two are walking past a movie theatre. 

"Look! That guy has a cool light saber," you hear someone say 

You turn and it's a guy wearing a cape. It turns out he's standing in line for the new Star Wars Movie; Attack of the Clones. Behind him is a man dressed up as a storm trooper. There are two boys fighting it out with toy light sabers. There's a line of Star Wars fans. 

"Hey cool," says the storm trooper, "I'm Steve, would you consider selling it to us?"

" Uh gee. It's not for sale," Kuwabara says, scratching his head. 

" Oh I see it's a rare collectible. If that's the case I'll pay you $50.00 for it," Steve says 

" No this sword is very important to me," Kuwabara says 

"Then don't give it to a punk like Steve. Give it to me, Nathan," the man in the cape urges 

"No," Kuwabara says, " I could never part with this sword," Kuwabara insists

" The way you're treating it, that must be a gift from Lord George Lucas himself," Nathan suggests 

At this there were mutters down the line about a rare George Lucas light saber. Everyone is turning to look at Kuwabara now. Kuwabara begins to back away. Then he turns and runs. You do too. The Star Wars fans give chase. You two run down the block and then run down into a subway station. You and Kuwabara jump on just as the train arrives. Many of the Star Wars fans jump on too but some of them get left behind. When the train stops you two get out. You run back to street level and try to get lost in the crowd. Then you duck into an alleyway and go through to another street. At this point you've lost a quarter of the Star Wars fans. You then spot some laundry drying on the line. There's a dress and some panties. You grab the dress.

"Kuwabara," you say 

"Uh uh no way," he says shaking his head and disappearing the sword.

" Where'd he go? Must find that saber," Steve says 

Steve then spots you two and comes into the alley. 

"Give me the sword," he commands 

There's a window nearby with a vase. You grab the vase and bring it down on his head. Steve falls to the ground out cold 

" Now will you put on the dress?" You ask 

" Fine!" Kuwabara says 

You turn as he changes. 

" Now you can look," He says 

You look back. Kuwabara is now in a pink dress with floral print all over and lace near the edges. You bite your lip to suppress the giggles.

" C'mon Kuwarella," you say 

You and Kuwabara make it back to his apartment safely. He goes to the bathroom and changes into some normal clothes.

" Hey Kuwabara, do you think I can have the tape?" you ask 

"Sure, Why?" he asks 

" Well just to prove this day really happened," you say 

He then sneaks you past his sister and out of the house. You get back to your house and crash onto the bed. 

************Two months later**********

You edited the tape and sold it over the Internet as, When Animals Attack Goofy Orange Haired Idiots. You also made another tape called, Star Wars Fans Gone Wild. You then open your own film studio and get rich. You live happily ever after with your hired man slave, Kurama. 

So that was Kuwabara's chapter. Sorry to the Kuwabara fangirls, but he is the most bashable Reikai Tantei there is. Oh well he's a good guy. I'll buy him a nice bar of chocolate as soon as I'm done with this. This was more insane then I ever thought possible. This crazy saga is over now. Well it was good while it lasted. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Any questions, comments, or concerns can be sent to Nkitpanich@msn.com 

Sayonara 


End file.
